Reasons Why I, As Lucy's Father, Am In Desperate, Desperate Trouble

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Evidence will be presented and a case will be made.

First Photo: Come on, that's my wife and daughter. Is it possible to say "No" to either of them? I say it is impossible and if you disagree, then you, Sir, are a drunkard and a fool.

Second: Within 24 hours of her birth, the nurses at the hospital referred to Lucy as "A Gerber Baby." Medical professionals, who have as much contact with babies as anybody ever, classify my daughter with the prototypical face of infant-hood. This does not bode well for me as a disciplinarian.

Third: Not too enthused with the nonsense, is she? There will be no suffering of fools for this one.

Fourth: A simple yawn, a basic bodily function, and I am wrapped around her little finger. A little finger which is in the 90th percentile for Weight and 50th percentile for length, I'll have you know.

Fifth & Finally: This is what I believe she's thinking -- "Sweet Christ, get me out of here."

And yet I find her to be delightful beyond reason. When she cries my spine vibrates and I must do everything I can to soothe her. She kinda-almost-sorta crawled tonight for the first time and I thought I was going to LOSE IT. I'm in trouble, aren't I?